conflictedsoldier | closed post

Meme based off of this one here. For

icannotlie.

***

Bucky wasn't sure what was real anymore. After everything that happened, he felt like he was feeling himself fall apart. Memories were coming back, throwing the images at him whether he wanted him or not. He felt dizzy a lot, doubling over in pain when nausea hits. He wasn't sure what drugs they used on him, but the feelings of trying to be human again were painful. Sometimes he couldn't even keep food down.

He'd done well, getting information on his past and still staying one step ahead of Steve. He was good at evasion, hiding before Steve could find him, staying just out of his reach. If he wanted to be found, he would be. No, this was a nostalgia lane trip. The boxing ring at the gym. The street they grew up on. The museum. Everything had to be investigated.

There was only one problem. He didn't have all the answers. Steve would. As much as he hated it, he was going to have to seek out Steve. Because Steve was his weakness. The more the memories returned, the more he remembered how much he had cared for Steve, maybe even loved him.

Seeing his face as he fell from the train was one of the most heartbreaking things he remembered.

Standing outside of Steve's apartment, he wondered if Steve would know he was here. Maybe he should go up and knock on the door? Still, he hesitated. He knew watching the building was probably creepy, but it was hard to describe what he was feeling. Nervous? Worried? He'd never felt like this before.

It scared him.

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"I think." He chuckled before taking another forkful of food. His head tilted to the side and he gave Steve a look over their plates. He did more than just think. If anything, he was here and he'd been kissing Steve. He didn't think he could be more open or plain about what he wanted. Bucky bit his lip. He wasn't ready to just start progressing his love, he was too wounded for that, but he didn't want to be anywhere else.

"You look deep in thought?" Steve commented softly, as he finished his food. He looked over at Bucky then.

"You wanna talk about it?"

It felt weird for him to eat and talk. It didn't work like that. He had been trained to have one mission and focus on it. He didn't even really remember eating in the past, though he is sure that he was fed by HYDRA at some point. He had to have been to stay alive, right? Now, he wanted to focus on everything, from the food to Steve. He wanted to remember it all.

"I am here. I... I want to be here." He looked up at Steve, hoping that was enough. For now.

"I want you here," Steve said softly, as he finished his plate. He looked over at Bucky. "You do know that right?"

Steve had to make sure, because this was too important not to.

Dark eyes gazed down at the plate of food in front of him. Slowly, he nodded his head and pushed it away. Half a plate of food is better than not eating any, right? He sighed, nodding his head in agreement. "I do know that."

One hand reached up, running through his messy hair. "I need you. I just... It's all a jumble. I'm not sure what I need, but... I want to be here."

Steve shook his head, and looked at Bucky, a little sadly, but also with some hope, because maybe they could rebuild something.

"Do you believe in second chances?"

Bucky wasn't sure what he believed, but he wanted to think good things were possible. They were for Steve, but the good Captain was better than the winter soldier. "Not everyone gets a second chance. Sometimes, maybe. Not everyone deserves one." He looked up at Steve, wishing that he could be better than the bad things he had done.

"I don't believe that," Steve said fiercely. "Everyone deserves second chances, especially you Buck. You have to on some level know that right?"

"Do I? I hurt many, Steve. Many died at my hands."

Rising to his feet, he grabbed the dishes and carried them over to the sink. He tried not to think about all the pain he'd caused, people he'd murdered including Howard. It was too much to bear. "The blood flows. It's hard to wipe it off."

Steve got up as well, quiet but looking over at him.

"Don't we all deserve second chances?"

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(still YOUR tag on STony :P)

Not anymore, Peggy PSL is yours too BD

SO MANY THREADS AAAAAGH :D

Re: SO MANY THREADS AAAAAGH :D

Re: SO MANY THREADS AAAAAGH :D

Re: SO MANY THREADS AAAAAGH :D

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